So you will be surprised to discover that, when it comes to the “problem” of my former alma mater and its supposed reincarnation, I am like a dog with a pig’s ear. 

I just can’t let that shit go until it is gnawed to ribbons.

Having now mastered a fancy new statistical technique, I turned my attention to a pair of related, and funny, little problems:

a.) API scores are going up, up, up, like a boner a Brittany concert, while

b.) SAT scores are flat, flat, flat, just like a white boy’s ass.

I have to do something to liven up a discussion of statistics, don’t I?

Anywho, so there’s that conundrum: academic performance index scores are rising, across the board (and even, for whites and Asians, converging to some degree — meaning the “spread” of variation across districts and/or schools is narrowing), while SAT scores are flat enough to raise an eyebrow (there is usually some noise, after all, even with only three years’ data).

How is this possible?

Being a good sociologist, I offer two competing hypotheses:

a.) API scores are utter horsehit.

b.) API scores mean something.

If (a), then their rise portends precisely nothing, and we should find no relationship between the factors associated with said rise and that which we know to be a reliable indicator of, well, something anyway, namely the SAT.

If (b) , then their rise portends a more complicated story than that which I have heretofore been prepared to admit. 

So I ran a regression, predicting API scores from what scanty data are available from the CA Dept. of Ed website, which is to say, parental education, percent non-white, and location.  I included only those metro areas of Northern California that exceed 500,000 people: Bakersfield, Fresno, Oakland, Sacramento, Stockton, San Francisco, San Jose, Santa Rosa, and Vallejo.  Because, really, who gives a shit about Chico, anyway? I ran a couple different versions, just to test out my prejudices, and basically found what I expected.

The story is not particularly complicated, and I don’t actually need to revist my prejudices.  Except in one major regard, one that puts me in a very, very old school conservative camp.

Which I do not like one bit.

API is a product of (a) parental education, (b) ethnic heterogeneity (which is a good thing, mind you), and otherwise not really a matter of where you live.  Though some schools still do better than others.  Such as, just to name a few: Lowell, Oakland, Oakland Tech, and Ballard (the “McClatchy” of Fresno).  I also found that, even when you control for other factors, API scores keep rising year after year.

Then I ran the regressions, but this time with the dependent variables being SAT score, whether Reading, Math, or Writing.  The results were basically the same, but with some important footnotes.  Parential educational attainment is, of course, the main predictor.  And some metros are doing better than others — especially those in the valley: Bakersfield, Fresno, Sacramento, and Stockton (compared to Santa Rosa, the reference category). 

But here’s the catch: reading continues to go up, year after year, once you control for other things, while math and writing do not.

Think about that, and think about this: parental educational attainment in California is going down.  Everywhere. 

The average number of parents with a BA or higher declines in most school districts by something like 0.5% per year.  That may not sound like much, but think about how that builds.  Over, say, a decade.  For the metro areas included in this little equation, that means that the proportion has declined by something like 6%. 

That’s real.  That means parents reading to their kids.  It means parents who know how to help their kids with their algebra.  It means parents who know how to fill out a FAFSA.  It means role models.

And that decline in parental education is, as far as I can tell, almost entirely a product of immigration.

And yet, and yet.  API scores keep going up, and SAT scores say the same.

Maybe, just maybe, what NCLB hath wrought involves clinging to the edge a slope made ever-more slippery by the decline in parental educational attainment.  Or maybe it’s utter cussing equine fo’shizzle, and has precisely zippo to do with the 3-card monte game that’s been sold to parents who send their kids to charter schools, etc. 

Or maybe all it’s really accomplishing is the assurance that at least our children can fecking read, even if they can’t make 2+2 equal four, and even if they can’t write a comprehensible sentence.

You want my advice for the coming quarter century?  Know your math, and know how to write.  ‘Cause evidently you’ll be ahead of just about everybody else who’s entering the job market at the moment.